Is There a Right Way?

On decision-making, uncertainty, and learning to live without guarantees

When we scroll through social media, we encounter an endless stream of videos, reels, and advice from people whose credentials are often unclear—yet who confidently tell us that we are doing something wrong and that they have the answer to the right way to do it.

There is a right way to paint our walls, a right way to grow plants, a right way to purchase items, a right way to organize our homes, a right way to eat, a right way to sleep, a right way to live.

There is even a right way and a wrong way to approach things we may never have previously thought required instruction. There is a right way to be environmentally friendly and a wrong way to be environmentally friendly. There are companies we should support and companies we should not. There are products that are “toxic” and others that are “less toxic.” The list goes on and on.

Three questions arise from this increasingly prevalent phenomenon:

• Are all decisions equally important?


• Who has the answers?


• Is there really a right way?

Not All Decisions Are Equally Important

When every decision must be optimized to achieve the best possible outcome, every decision begins to feel equally consequential. Choosing a cereal brand may carry a strange psychological intensity similar to choosing a career path. When everything feels equally important, we risk allocating our time and our mental and emotional resources indiscriminately.

Part of knowing ourselves is knowing what matters most to us. This evolves over time as we grow and our circumstances change. Still, establishing priorities helps us decide where to invest our effort and where to conserve it.

What matters most to us varies depending on many factors. Some decisions may be trivial in the grand scheme of things but touch on topics that are dear to us, where we want to exercise our subjectivity. In some cases, for example, it may not even be essential that a decision be the best possible one; it may simply need to be ours.

Once we establish priorities, we can decide how much effort to allocate. Some problems may not be ours after all, because they do not truly matter to us.

When decisions feel less important or less consequential, a coin toss—or even delegating the choice to something like a ChatGPT algorithm—may suffice.

When they feel more important and consequential, we may need to deliberate more than we initially wanted. At the same time, let us not forget the power of the unconscious. Sometimes, sleeping on it may truly help.

Prioritizing based on personal importance is only one method. We can also prioritize decisions based on time and consequences. What must be decided now? What can wait? What is truly at stake? Sometimes asking, “What is the worst that can happen?” helps us move forward—whether that means finding the right word, the right timing, or deciding whether to send that message.

Who Has the Answers?

One premise behind the overload of advice is that someone out there has the answers—not only to questions we already have, but to questions we did not even know to ask. Should we trust these people? Should we trust algorithms such as ChatGPT?

There is nothing wrong with outsourcing decisions. In fact, we have been doing it since the beginning of life. As infants, we rely entirely on others to interpret our needs. We cry, and someone else must decide what that cry means and how to respond. Our distress becomes their task to regulate. Psychoanalysts describe this process as projective identification.

As we grow, caregivers introduce rules and guidelines that help structure the world and provide safety. Over time, we notice inconsistencies. We see adults breaking the very rules they teach. We realize that rules are contextual and imperfect. We cannot wait to grow up and decide everything by ourselves.

Yet even as adults, we never fully stop relying on others. Most of us oscillate between dependence and independence depending on context and circumstance.

There is nothing inherently wrong with having someone else hold an answer for us. Some problems, for instance, may be too paralyzing and can make us feel like a helpless child. In those moments, it can be comforting to let someone else carry the decision.

At the same time, relying too heavily on others may bring problems. It may, for example, challenge our sense of agency. Excessive dependence can strain relationships by placing the burden of decision-making onto others.

On the other hand, excessive independence is not necessarily good either. Being too independent may limit our ability to ask for help or collaborate. In relationships, it may be experienced as emotional distance or rigidity.

And Let Us Not Forget Self-Discovery

Millions of people lived before us. They faced similar challenges, failures, and successes. Why should we deprive ourselves of accumulated wisdom? Few of us want to learn everything through painful trial and error.

Yet some lessons must be learned personally.

Learning about ourselves is not only about discovering what we choose; it is also about discovering how we choose. How do we tolerate loss? How do we face ambiguity? How do we respond when certainty is unavailable?

Self-discovery extends beyond the “hows” into the “whys”—why we are the way we are, why certain decisions matter to us, and why others do not.

As we discover ourselves, we clarify what truly matters to us. That clarity may evolve over time, but it helps us determine which decisions deserve our energy and which do not.

Is There Really a Right Way?

Since the emergence of life, organisms have had to distinguish effective from ineffective strategies. At a basic biological level, right and wrong can mean survival or death. As complexity extends into psychological and social life, the idea of a single right way becomes more elusive.

It is true that science and accumulated knowledge have illuminated many domains of life. In some areas, there truly are better ways of doing things. Yet, there are domains where variability and subjectivity are so great that we may never have definitive answers.

Many decisions resist absolute evaluation because they unfold over time, across relationships, and within changing circumstances.

No matter how long we deliberate, or whether we choose on our own or with the help of others, choices are entangled with loss, uncertainty, and limited control.

Choosing one path often means leaving others behind. We gain, but we also lose. We celebrate successes, yet we may grieve losses. What is more, we grieve not only concrete losses, but also imagined futures and unrealized possibilities.

With each decision, we momentarily embrace a sense of certainty. Yet no matter how carefully we deliberate, uncertainty cannot be eliminated.

Our decisions can only go so far. With each decision, we take matters into our hands and control some factors, but we cannot control everything. Outcomes depend on factors beyond us—other people, timing, circumstance, chance, or, for some, destiny.

Living Without a Single Right Way

Trusting that there is a perfect solution for every problem—or that someone else has it—is not always possible, particularly when decisions involve complex aspects of one’s life.

Eventually, there will always be areas where we are left with ourselves—along with uncertainty, losses, and perhaps regrets.

One way or another, we must learn to live with ambiguity, imperfection, and loss. Where there is life, there is death. Where there is gain, there is loss. Where there is certainty, there is also doubt.

And sometimes, all a decision gives us is that lesson.

— Helder Araujo MD PhD

What Is the Best Treatment for Me?

The search for the best treatment for mental health issues can be exhausting. It may drive you down a path of seeking multiple psychiatric opinions, reading endlessly online, and trying to reconcile conflicting advice. This process alone can become overwhelming.

The truth is that the best mental health treatment for you is what ultimately works best for you in the long run. That answer may feel unsatisfying at first, but it reflects the reality that effective mental health care depends on multiple individual variables, ranging from your biology to the kind of relationship you have with your psychiatrist or provider.

The Technical Aspects of Psychiatric Treatment

From a technical standpoint, good treatment depends on accurate psychiatric diagnosis and an appropriate choice of treatment. It is reasonable to expect that a psychiatrist, as a mental health specialist, is better equipped to diagnose mental illness and choose appropriate treatment than a health professional who is not specialized in mental health.

Choosing a psychiatric specialist is therefore essential, but that does not eliminate all the complexity and variabilityinvolved in treatment.

Not All Psychiatrists Are Alike

Unlike some medical specialties that rely on strict and highly standardized protocols, psychiatry offers a wide range of treatment approaches within what is considered standard of care. Some psychiatrists rely heavily on structured interviews and standardized questionnaires, while others make use of broader techniques that draw from psychoanalysis, relational psychiatry, and other psychological frameworks.

Both approaches can be valid. What matters most is how well a given approach fits your needs, personality, and treatment expectations.

Not All Mental Illnesses Are Alike

While diagnostic standardization is essential, over-standardization may risk losing the richness of individual experience.

The fact that two individuals are diagnosed with the same condition—such as major depressive disorder—does not mean that their illness is alike. Each depression may be uniquely shaped by an individual’s biology, developmental history, existential concerns, and current life stressors.

Depression symptoms can express themselves in many ways: in thoughts and internal experiences, and in behaviors such as sleep, appetite, motivation, and social engagement.

Not All Bodies Are Alike

If our psychology differs, the same is true of our biology. While humans are alike to a certain extent, we also harbor meaningful biological differences. These differences may seem small or subtle, but they can influence a variety of processes, such as how we think, behave, and respond to psychiatric medications. This helps explain why a treatment that works well for one person may be ineffective or poorly tolerated by another.

Not All Families and Cultures Are Alike

Family dynamics and cultural backgrounds shape how we think, feel, behave, and relate with others. Failing to attend to this cultural variability can turn a benign and culturally normative expression into something that is mistakenly labeled as a mental illness.

Understanding a person’s cultural and familial context is therefore essential to accurate diagnosis and meaningful psychiatric treatment.

Not All Treatments Are Alike

It is true that psychiatry and neuroscience still have a long way to go, and much remains unknown. At the same time, it is important to pay attention to evidence-based treatment, supported by scientific research, including higher levels of analysis such as meta-analyses.

However, no single scientific study accounts for 100% of human variability. Evidence-based practice must therefore be balanced with clinical judgment and flexibility, always aiming toward an individualized treatment plan rather than a one-size-fits-all approach.

Not All Relationships With Providers Are Alike

Therapeutic relationships vary widely, and what feels like a good fit differs from person to person. Some individuals prefer providers who are warm, inquisitive, and exploratory. Others feel more comfortable with a structured, symptom-focused approach centered on medication management.

There is no universally correct therapeutic style. What matters is whether the patient-provider relationship feels sufficiently safe, respectful, and effective to allow meaningful work to take place.

How to Make Sure You Are Receiving the Best Treatment

Setting realistic expectations is essential. Life is complex, and the mind’s processing of life can be equally challenging. Expecting “magic” solutions that eliminate all negative thoughts or feelings, or that lead to perfect thinking and behavior, is often unrealistic. Likewise, expecting that a psychiatrist is as attuned to your needs as an AI algorithm is unrealistic, as psychiatrists, like all people, are “imperfect”.

Having said that, trusting that a therapeutic relationship feels right is essential and may require some degree of comparison shopping. At the same time, flexibility is important, as the therapeutic relationship itself can become part of the treatment—even if you were convinced that all you receive from your psychiatrist are prescriptions.

For example, a person who struggles to assert their needs may avoid expressing concerns to their provider. Practicing assertion within treatment can be therapeutic.

Similarly, someone who tends to walk away from relationships at the first sign of frustration may benefit from attempting repair rather than immediate disengagement.

In fact, many providers informed by relational psychiatry and psychological theory are intentional in how they relate to patients and may base a significant portion of treatment on the therapeutic relationship itself.

Along these lines, it can be important to trust that a provider may challenge you thoughtfully and for a reason. While comfort and familiarity have value, treatment that never evolves can become stagnant. Psychological growth often requires tolerating some degree of purposeful and well-contained discomfort.

In Summary

The best psychiatric treatment is not a single diagnosis, medication, technique, or provider. It is an ongoing process informed by multiple variables—biological, psychological, social, and cultural individuality, therapeutic approach, and—most importantly—the relationship between you and your provider. Finding that fit takes time and patience, but it is often the most meaningful part of the work.

Helder Araujo, MD PhD

Am I Normal or Do I Need Help? When Is the Right Time to Seek Mental Health Support?

Am I Normal? Do I Need Help?

These are questions we often ask ourselves when life feels heavy or confusing. We all know there are many ways to feel, think, and behave—even if some patterns are more common than others. Yet, we may still wonder whether our ways are the “right ones.”

While life brings moments of joy, it also brings suffering—moments we often wish we could escape. At times, we may even ask ourselves: Am I suffering too much?

Suffering can arise from circumstances beyond our control, but sometimes we also hold ourselves responsible for our own pain—or even the pain experienced by others. It is natural to ask: Should I change my ways?

When Seeking Help Is Clear and Urgent

There are situations where it is clear that professional mental health help is necessary—when a person is in danger, putting others at risk, or unable to function at a basic level. In such cases, intervention is urgent and may even involve involuntary psychiatric holds. Please call 911 if you or someone you know is in any life-threatening situation.

If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide, or are in emotional crisis, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or chat online at 988lifeline.org.

When Seeking Help Is Less Clear and Less Urgent

Outside of these extreme situations, a useful way to consider seeking help is to reflect on whether your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are impacting your personal life—how you experience your internal and external worlds, relate to others, and function in daily life.

Common examples of mental struggles include:

• Anxiety about small decisions may prevent you from enjoying moments that used to feel easy.

• Negative thoughts may make everyday interactions stressful, causing withdrawal from friends or loved ones.

• Frequent arguments or disconnection from people who matter to you can leave you feeling isolated.

• Daily routines like work, school, or self-care may feel overwhelming.

• Intense mood swings can leave you exhausted and uncertain about your reactions.

Observing patterns of suffering and disruption in one’s well-being and daily life can help you determine whether seeking mental health support is the right step. Sometimes, an outside observer—such as a friend or family member—may notice these struggles more clearly than we do ourselves. If you—or someone in your life—feel that these struggles are affecting your well-being, it may be time to reach out for professional help.

When Everything Seems to Be Right

Mental health, particularly through psychotherapy or psychoanalysis, can also be approached as a path to self-awareness—even when everything feels “right” and you do not experience obvious symptoms. This perspective emphasizes curiosity and self-discovery more than simple symptom reduction. It invites exploration of our challenges as windows into our conscious and unconscious experiences, offering insights that illuminate patterns from our past and present and provide a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Mental Health as Part of Your Life Journey

Wherever you are in life, there is likely room for mental health support. It all begins with the first step. When in doubt, seeking help is never the wrong choice. Even when everything feels right, mental health support may help you continue your journey of self-discovery and move closer to your true potential and well-being. And who wouldn’t want that?

— Helder Araujo, MD PhD