Is There a Right Way?

On decision-making, uncertainty, and learning to live without guarantees

When we scroll through social media, we encounter an endless stream of videos, reels, and advice from people whose credentials are often unclear—yet who confidently tell us that we are doing something wrong and that they have the answer to the right way to do it.

There is a right way to paint our walls, a right way to grow plants, a right way to purchase items, a right way to organize our homes, a right way to eat, a right way to sleep, a right way to live.

There is even a right way and a wrong way to approach things we may never have previously thought required instruction. There is a right way to be environmentally friendly and a wrong way to be environmentally friendly. There are companies we should support and companies we should not. There are products that are “toxic” and others that are “less toxic.” The list goes on and on.

Three questions arise from this increasingly prevalent phenomenon:

• Are all decisions equally important?


• Who has the answers?


• Is there really a right way?

Not All Decisions Are Equally Important

When every decision must be optimized to achieve the best possible outcome, every decision begins to feel equally consequential. Choosing a cereal brand may carry a strange psychological intensity similar to choosing a career path. When everything feels equally important, we risk allocating our time and our mental and emotional resources indiscriminately.

Part of knowing ourselves is knowing what matters most to us. This evolves over time as we grow and our circumstances change. Still, establishing priorities helps us decide where to invest our effort and where to conserve it.

What matters most to us varies depending on many factors. Some decisions may be trivial in the grand scheme of things but touch on topics that are dear to us, where we want to exercise our subjectivity. In some cases, for example, it may not even be essential that a decision be the best possible one; it may simply need to be ours.

Once we establish priorities, we can decide how much effort to allocate. Some problems may not be ours after all, because they do not truly matter to us.

When decisions feel less important or less consequential, a coin toss—or even delegating the choice to something like a ChatGPT algorithm—may suffice.

When they feel more important and consequential, we may need to deliberate more than we initially wanted. At the same time, let us not forget the power of the unconscious. Sometimes, sleeping on it may truly help.

Prioritizing based on personal importance is only one method. We can also prioritize decisions based on time and consequences. What must be decided now? What can wait? What is truly at stake? Sometimes asking, “What is the worst that can happen?” helps us move forward—whether that means finding the right word, the right timing, or deciding whether to send that message.

Who Has the Answers?

One premise behind the overload of advice is that someone out there has the answers—not only to questions we already have, but to questions we did not even know to ask. Should we trust these people? Should we trust algorithms such as ChatGPT?

There is nothing wrong with outsourcing decisions. In fact, we have been doing it since the beginning of life. As infants, we rely entirely on others to interpret our needs. We cry, and someone else must decide what that cry means and how to respond. Our distress becomes their task to regulate. Psychoanalysts describe this process as projective identification.

As we grow, caregivers introduce rules and guidelines that help structure the world and provide safety. Over time, we notice inconsistencies. We see adults breaking the very rules they teach. We realize that rules are contextual and imperfect. We cannot wait to grow up and decide everything by ourselves.

Yet even as adults, we never fully stop relying on others. Most of us oscillate between dependence and independence depending on context and circumstance.

There is nothing inherently wrong with having someone else hold an answer for us. Some problems, for instance, may be too paralyzing and can make us feel like a helpless child. In those moments, it can be comforting to let someone else carry the decision.

At the same time, relying too heavily on others may bring problems. It may, for example, challenge our sense of agency. Excessive dependence can strain relationships by placing the burden of decision-making onto others.

On the other hand, excessive independence is not necessarily good either. Being too independent may limit our ability to ask for help or collaborate. In relationships, it may be experienced as emotional distance or rigidity.

And Let Us Not Forget Self-Discovery

Millions of people lived before us. They faced similar challenges, failures, and successes. Why should we deprive ourselves of accumulated wisdom? Few of us want to learn everything through painful trial and error.

Yet some lessons must be learned personally.

Learning about ourselves is not only about discovering what we choose; it is also about discovering how we choose. How do we tolerate loss? How do we face ambiguity? How do we respond when certainty is unavailable?

Self-discovery extends beyond the “hows” into the “whys”—why we are the way we are, why certain decisions matter to us, and why others do not.

As we discover ourselves, we clarify what truly matters to us. That clarity may evolve over time, but it helps us determine which decisions deserve our energy and which do not.

Is There Really a Right Way?

Since the emergence of life, organisms have had to distinguish effective from ineffective strategies. At a basic biological level, right and wrong can mean survival or death. As complexity extends into psychological and social life, the idea of a single right way becomes more elusive.

It is true that science and accumulated knowledge have illuminated many domains of life. In some areas, there truly are better ways of doing things. Yet, there are domains where variability and subjectivity are so great that we may never have definitive answers.

Many decisions resist absolute evaluation because they unfold over time, across relationships, and within changing circumstances.

No matter how long we deliberate, or whether we choose on our own or with the help of others, choices are entangled with loss, uncertainty, and limited control.

Choosing one path often means leaving others behind. We gain, but we also lose. We celebrate successes, yet we may grieve losses. What is more, we grieve not only concrete losses, but also imagined futures and unrealized possibilities.

With each decision, we momentarily embrace a sense of certainty. Yet no matter how carefully we deliberate, uncertainty cannot be eliminated.

Our decisions can only go so far. With each decision, we take matters into our hands and control some factors, but we cannot control everything. Outcomes depend on factors beyond us—other people, timing, circumstance, chance, or, for some, destiny.

Living Without a Single Right Way

Trusting that there is a perfect solution for every problem—or that someone else has it—is not always possible, particularly when decisions involve complex aspects of one’s life.

Eventually, there will always be areas where we are left with ourselves—along with uncertainty, losses, and perhaps regrets.

One way or another, we must learn to live with ambiguity, imperfection, and loss. Where there is life, there is death. Where there is gain, there is loss. Where there is certainty, there is also doubt.

And sometimes, all a decision gives us is that lesson.

— Helder Araujo MD PhD